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Editorial: 07/28/2000
FAITHAHOLICS ANONYMOUS
God save us from the true believers

What's the difference between a cult and a religion? About a hundred years. It took about that long for Christianity to eat the Roman Empire. It was about ten decades between the Prophet Mohammad and his followers who conquered everything from Turkey to Spain. It took about a century for Mormonism to morph from a sacreligious delusion to a major religion. The amount of time it took the Hebrews to switch from Baal to Jehovah is lost in the mists of history, but I'm betting it was around a hundred years.

This comes to mind because of Waco, a local school board, and the failed MidEast peace talks. All of them share one thread--sanctimonious true believers determined to make life as difficult as possible for the rest of us.

In the Waco case, former Senator John Danforth--himself an Episcopal priest--determined that David Koresh and his followers murdered each other and then commited mass suicide. This is little comfort to the delusional paranoids who are convinced the Feds killed 80 men, women, and children. Having been at Waco for all eight weeks, I can testify to the power of Koresh's apocolypticism. His prophecy that he and his followers would perish in a confligration got a little spooky as the sun set on the smoldering Davidian compound. Lightning from a Texas spring storm bounced bolts off the smoking ruins. In a hundred years, the night of April 19th will probably be a major holiday for the Church of Koresh.

Hereabouts, allies of the Chrstian Coalition on an exurban school board fired a school superintendent, allegedly for a laundry list of small-town reasons ranging from parking permits to insubordination. The real reasons seem to be that the super had a bit too much missionary zeal in objecting to prayers at the start of school board meetings and secularizing the Christmas holiday into an inoffensive Winter Break. Again, the basic issue is faith. They have it, she doesn't, or so the story goes.

Then there's the MidEast peace talks collapse, all over the city of Jerusalem. The Israelis want it because it's where Abraham was prepared to follow orders from God and murder his own son. The Palestenians want it because it's where Mohammad rode on horseback into Heaven.
The Christians, meanwhile, just want to make sure there are guarantees for the areas where their Savior was executed and then came back from the dead.

So how would you react today if someone said the Almighty told them to plunge a knife into their son's heart? Or if someone told you they'd seen their prophet jump aboard a horse and fly toward Heaven? Or if an acolyte insisted that a convict executed for treason was still alive? Thoguth so.

It's all a matter of faith. It's the oldest of tautologys--those who believe, believe. After all, the precepts of the wqorld's major religions have guided us out of the darkness and into the light. Care for the poor. Thou shalt not kill. Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.

The problem starts when the true believers start to have a monopoly on the truth.
Indeed, non-belief is, in itself, belief. How else do you explain the slaughter of millions by Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot in the name of atheism? Or Hitler's murder of the Jews in the name of Hitler? It's a pattern the Mayans would have recognized as they ripped out human hearts to sacrifice to elephant-nosed Chaac, or the Hindus know well as they slaughter Christian missionaries in the name of Shiva, or the Muslims acknowledge as they blow up a bus full of women and children in the name of Allah the compassionate and merciful, or the Christians knew as they converted or murdered the Indians in the name of Jesus Christ.

But then again, they are the enlightened ones and they serve a higher purpose.
Karl Marx, founder of the athiestic faith in whose name so many died horribly, wrote that "religion is the opiate of the masses." Opiates put you to sleep. They don't cause you to charge around like a rabid weasel slaughtering everone in your path. Maybe he meant methamphetamine.

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